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Reality TV nowadays is far too confrontational -- it's all "let's humiliate you, mock you, makeover you, and (in extreme cases) chop bits off you, in order to sort out what's hopelessly wrong with you, prole".

Frankly, that sucks! If I want to see people being abused, beaten humilated and pissed all over I can read a broadsheet newspaper walk through our local "entertainment zone" on a Friday night.

I propose a more caring, nurturing, and (dare I say it?) sexy sort of reality show, one which aims to actually improve the lives of the people in question ... and, most cruicial of all, one which recognises that improving a relationship doesn't work if you're only doing it as an excuse to slag off one half of a couple.

Introducing: Dyke up Your Life, the reality show that shows straight couples how to have as much fun as lesbians! Life lessons from Rhonda (political awareness, radicalism and assertiveness) help you both to eliminate liberal guilt and always have something to talk about over breakfast. Remember, the couple that protests together, stays together! Household goddess Grizelda (shopping, household, low-impact lifestyler) makes home where the (healthy) heart is, by showing you how to reduce waste, cut out those argument-inducing chores and dress well from charity shops! Look how you want to, inside and out, with the help of Rachael (hair, looks, food) who can show you how to achieve that easy-maintainance, high-impact and above all, personal style. Touch up Lillian (underground media, outsider art, scenester) for tips on how to arrange a social life that won't cost a bomb but will leave you so busy you'll have to schedule a night in together ... speaking of which, Lolly (sex toys, sex tips and fantasies) can show you that no matter how adventurous (or shy) a couple you are, there's always something new and special to try!

Admittedly, this involves absolutely no DIY, but that has to be a plus, surely? It's be a great show ... feel-good, positive and fun for both halves of the couple.

And if, say, the experience should lead to the couple breaking up (or one of them having a sex-change) well, that's a result too.

Comments

( 18 worms — Feed the birds )
earwigmc
7th May, 2004 06:59 (UTC)
i like it *smile*
marstokyo
7th May, 2004 07:01 (UTC)
Sounds like a winner. You should try and sell it!
applez
7th May, 2004 07:39 (UTC)
Thinking on this makeover phenom more broadly...
There have been humorous backlashes as 'Straight Plan for the Gay Man' ... and I also consider the shows that elaborate on the material lives of the Hollywood A-list set ...

There seems a good niche for a show to elaborate on the entirely mundane, without instigating change.

After all, mundanity is the only well untap'd by reality TV makeovers, it seems.

(mind you, at my office, we're looking to influence a studio to consider a 'green makeover' of constructed space)
cleanskies
7th May, 2004 08:19 (UTC)
Re: Thinking on this makeover phenom more broadly...
The show I saw fell down a bit on the gay lifestyle advisers being a bunch of horrible ditzy queens not exactly entirely on top of things themselves. Except for the interior decorater, who was terrifying, grimly efficient.
applez
7th May, 2004 14:06 (UTC)
Re: Thinking on this makeover phenom more broadly...
Yes, well, one can be grimly efficient with a large budget and work crew. ;-)
bugpete
7th May, 2004 07:43 (UTC)
Shouldn't there be something about cats?

Never mind...
cleanskies
7th May, 2004 08:17 (UTC)
I think that cats
would probably be Grizelda's department (as she's the household gal) ... I didn't mention them because I think that they can pretty much be assumed ;)
badasstronaut
7th May, 2004 07:51 (UTC)
Fabulous - I'd definitely watch it!

BTW - I'm two pages into 'Love in Chigley', thanks mostly to you.
cleanskies
7th May, 2004 08:15 (UTC)
woot!
Chigley rules! ... oh, I have some pictures for you. Pictures of Windy Miller, mostly, must remember to post them, um, sometime.
motodraconis
7th May, 2004 07:59 (UTC)
I take it....
You saw Fairy Godfathers last night? :-)
The sight of the chubbly straight guy talking about "it ain't weak to show your emotions" after spending a week with his Fairy Godfather brought a tear to my eye. :-)



cleanskies
7th May, 2004 08:14 (UTC)
no, I missed that
... what I saw was Queer Eye for the Straight Guy UK, a rather horrible direct-to-cable waste of space and attention (it's based on a cult US show, which I assume must be a lot better).
green_amber
7th May, 2004 09:44 (UTC)
Re: no, I missed that
Yes the US one is good. Really.
rhubarbfool
7th May, 2004 08:15 (UTC)
Real Reality Shows
I was never convinced by the term reality TV, I always wanted meta big brother, which basically consisted of televising a number of 20 something News of the World readers sitting on a sofa watching big brother. Tedious but surprisingly accurate
cleanskies
7th May, 2004 08:21 (UTC)
Re: Real Reality Shows
sounds very Tate. In fact, I have a horrible suspicion that I've seen something very similar to that in a big white gallery in Amsterdam ...
green_amber
7th May, 2004 09:45 (UTC)
Re: Real Reality Shows
Some channel is showing its staff watching the last episode of Friends on another channel! as they don't think its worth making rival programming!
andypop
7th May, 2004 16:24 (UTC)
You should copyright that immediately before someone else thinks of it or steals it. Seriously, it's a goer.
cleanskies
9th May, 2004 05:02 (UTC)
"Dyke up your Life" series synopsis now written
And copyrighted. But, much as we may hate it, it isn't ever going to be a goer. Here's five reasons why not (puts on studio executive hat).

1. Five female leads. One lead is enough of a problem, five would be poison.

2. Too fluffy. Reality TV is about shadenfreude, viewers want to see people suffering while being mocked.

3. Real lesbians presented as sexy. Sexy lesbians belong in porn and fantasies -- bring them into the real world and SOCIETY WILL CRUMBLE.

4. Sorts out problems. Lifestyle TV should make the viewers feel inadequate and there's a good chance this show will make people feel their lives are pretty good, really.

5. Advertisers will hate it. Or, more accurately, won't want to be associated with it for reason (3) and will expect poor feedback because of reason (4).

*sigh* It's a shame.
andypop
10th May, 2004 16:07 (UTC)
Re: "Dyke up your Life" series synopsis now written
1. Five female leads. One lead is enough of a problem, five would be poison

I dunno, though. After Trinny & Susannah, the Two Fat Ladies etc... I mean if the public will buy the idea that a bunch of men can give good advice, they're much more likely to watch women do the same, seeing as they're generally better at it...

2. Too fluffy. Reality TV is about shadenfreude, viewers want to see people suffering while being mocked

You really think it would be fluffy...? Even then, that could be the thing which gives it a new spin, you know? Well - I think it's a winner, anyway. It's worth a try, innit? For the price of a few photocopies, you might make a bob or two thousand...
( 18 worms — Feed the birds )