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mural commencement anxiety; thoughts about the graphic connection between hearts and cocks; anguished pain of writing a story I will never use while I need to be doing five other things, yesterday; zen-like slowness of colouring using a six-year-old mac; greenish light through the curtains as it starts to get light again, around four; the tiny, mean water features at templeton college, inch-wide lead-lined rills between concrete paving slabs, jets sputing up a bare four inches, pebble sinks the size of a swanky plate; hannah the marks and sparks checkout girl with her cheap hairgrips and expensive hair; sinking sadness of disconnection tangled with sleep.

wandering wastelands between redbridge and kennington thinking about becoming/finding a murder victim; drinking too much mint tea by day and killing too many mosquitos by night; lying down to sleep with that massive spider so close to my head, never mind, I need something to eat the crane-flies; the colour of my hair, before it goes grey again; long and complicated dreams.

learning about the cockerel that learned to choke like a dying man in a bewildering cultural confluence of chicken-talk; scruffy blue-tits that can't eat the aphids fast enough; greenfinches in Jason's back garden, singing on the bird-feeder tower; the peeing zebra book.