Hats -- Where did you get that hat?
Stupid movies -- Outrunning a wall of rushing water just looks stupid. And it is! Humans can't even outrun a duck, though they may have a chance against lava, if they're fit and the lava isn't moving too quickly.
Local news -- I got up this morning to find the headline "Not a Gay Day for Pub Landlord" staring up at me from the doormat. Apparently the Landlord of The Kite on Mill Street (where?) is very upset at having been accidentally listed as gay by Itchy guides. "I have spent a lot of time rebuilding the pub's reputation as a backstreet community pub and this has set me back." he says, "When the Kite was a gay pub I gather there were guys kissing each other in the toilets. It put people off and is not the sort of atmosphere I want." What was that? Did you say you wanted a kiss-in in your pub at the earliest possible opportunity? Full story.
What kind of disease are you?
cleanskies is caused by alien mind control rays.
cleanskies compels infectee to keep Bjork playing at all times, out of fear of 'head splodey.'
cleanskies can only be cured by quitting your job and becoming a canadian elvis impersonator.
That's not a disease, that's a vocation!