November 2nd, 2001

2020 lack of vision

the leaves move/watching Disney/the metal book

Bad thing: Problems with leaves
What's with the leaves? It's happened twice now in the last few days, I glance across the road to look at the patterns made by the sunshine moving through the leaves (very pretty, wind and sun and autumn colours) and what I've seen has made my blood run cold. No that I've seen anything bad, far from it; like I said, I like looking at sunshine on autumn leaves, and it's not like I'm seeing anything, just light moving through moving leaves. But somehow ... terror, or perhaps more a disorientation, as if the rules of the world had spun. Caught a twitch of that, last night, walking to the cinema, looking at my moonshadow, saw something sat on my shoulder and brushed it off before I even thought that I shouldn't have something sat on my shoulder and if I did, would I want to touch it? Of course I touched nothing -- just an illusion. But just that moment, the idea of something there that should not be there. That's it. Guilty of that myself, on Halloween night, did up my face with a demon's face painted over my own, scared some trick-or-treating kids and set off down Cowley Road (party + fireworks at a friend's). Most people didn't even see my face, their eyes slid over me with less of a flicker of interest than I usually get for a nice t-shirt. No-one said "nice costume" and the people who did see me immediately repressed their expression of surprise and carried on walking. I walked past two people carrying amps and the woman's eyes rolled as she caught sight of me and her face suddenly reflected this moment of pure irritated horror. "For fucks sake," I heard her think, as clear as she had said it, "Do I need this?" which was when I realised that basically I just looked like another fucking hallucination.

Good thing: Atlantis. For a Disney film, kind of fun: no songs, no "cute" talking animals, and NO unique vocal talents of Eddie f***ing Murphy. Actually, the hero's voiced (not badly) by Michael J Fox, and the story's a cross between Stargate, Indiana Jones and Journey to the Bottom of the Sea. The tech and look is beautiful, manga-informed turn-of-the-century steam-punk: all brass and rivets and shiny bits. The story's pretty familiar. Eccentric millionnaire assembles mismatched gang (including a domineering jodpurh-clad ice queen voiced by Claudia Christiansen, a melancholy flower-shop owner turned explosives expert, and a strange tunneling mole-man) and send them off with our young hero (a linguist, for variety) to follow the researches of his dead uncle. So, they find the Lost City of Atlantis after the usual monsters, which looks very dream-like and strange, a vast water-pouring island full of desolate ruins and strange fish-birds. And a princess, inevitably, but there isn't much time for romance amid the betrayals, battles, and turning into living soul-crystal. The ending's pretty damn spectacular. There are even Giant Robots.

Problem: felt ungood about cycling. Took the bus into work. Fortunately it was very bright blue, and I was reading Will Self, so I got some of the stimulation I need. Awake enough walking down the hill into work. Saw a strange stone in the gutter, picked it up, dropped it, picked it up again. It was metal, not stone, and very heavy. I held onto it for a bit, and then put it into the front pocket of my bag. It looks like a book to me, but then I think I'm going through a phase when everything does.
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