May 7th, 2004


Never mind Queer Eye -- the show I want to see is Dyke up your Life

Reality TV nowadays is far too confrontational -- it's all "let's humiliate you, mock you, makeover you, and (in extreme cases) chop bits off you, in order to sort out what's hopelessly wrong with you, prole".

Frankly, that sucks! If I want to see people being abused, beaten humilated and pissed all over I can read a broadsheet newspaper walk through our local "entertainment zone" on a Friday night.

I propose a more caring, nurturing, and (dare I say it?) sexy sort of reality show, one which aims to actually improve the lives of the people in question ... and, most cruicial of all, one which recognises that improving a relationship doesn't work if you're only doing it as an excuse to slag off one half of a couple.

Introducing: Dyke up Your Life, the reality show that shows straight couples how to have as much fun as lesbians! Life lessons from Rhonda (political awareness, radicalism and assertiveness) help you both to eliminate liberal guilt and always have something to talk about over breakfast. Remember, the couple that protests together, stays together! Household goddess Grizelda (shopping, household, low-impact lifestyler) makes home where the (healthy) heart is, by showing you how to reduce waste, cut out those argument-inducing chores and dress well from charity shops! Look how you want to, inside and out, with the help of Rachael (hair, looks, food) who can show you how to achieve that easy-maintainance, high-impact and above all, personal style. Touch up Lillian (underground media, outsider art, scenester) for tips on how to arrange a social life that won't cost a bomb but will leave you so busy you'll have to schedule a night in together ... speaking of which, Lolly (sex toys, sex tips and fantasies) can show you that no matter how adventurous (or shy) a couple you are, there's always something new and special to try!

Admittedly, this involves absolutely no DIY, but that has to be a plus, surely? It's be a great show ... feel-good, positive and fun for both halves of the couple.

And if, say, the experience should lead to the couple breaking up (or one of them having a sex-change) well, that's a result too.
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