August 17th, 2005

shoutshoutletitallout

cup of sperm, squire?

Michael Buerk on men: "All they are is sperm donors, and most women aren't going to want an unemployable sperm donor loafing around and making the house look untidy." Poor man, he must be very unlucky with his boyfriends. All of mine have done a pretty good job making the house look tidy. Decorative, even.

Most responses have been a bit knee-jerk, but this is priceless: Ah, so now it seems there are five male traits, and not three, as previously supposed - single-mindedness, reticence, stoicism, alcoholism and promiscuity. Damn them. They get all the best stuff. For those worried this might be a member of the media femafia and therefore suspect, here's word from a 100% red-blooded male: People often ask me why reticence is such a male thing. I don't answer.

... and, while we're on the topic:

Very small study group findings reported as fact, again: Media-friendly biologist Dr Nick Neave uses a study group of 54 to prove women will dump their man for a more handsome model when ovulating, which (given that "the findings made sense and backed what was already known about human attraction") obviously proves women go for money and status while men just go for youth. Just for once, I'd like to see the words "a study group of 500", you know?

... in fact, I feel moved to do some of my own research. It's a bit of a self-selected group, true, but when did that ever stop the Pain Research Group? And you may lie (or "incorrectly self-report" as we researchers like to call it), but what the heck, entire scientific premises have been based on shakier data, right?

And if we hit 54 responses, we may even get our own article on the BBC!

[This is a quiz for ladies and gentlemen, of no matter what sexual persuasion; yes, even misanthropes and total abstainers because flat/workmates count too.]

Poll #553686 What I find attractive in a man

This is what I find most attractive in a man:

lots of sperm
0(0.0%)
a "symmetrical body"
2(2.8%)
money, money, money
1(1.4%)
give me status and power, baby!
1(1.4%)
youth and beauty
4(5.6%)
reticence, stoicism and single-mindedness, MMM-mmm
3(4.2%)
an extensive collection of role-playing games
3(4.2%)
the look of love in his eyes
7(9.9%)
crooked teeth
1(1.4%)
looks good on a sofa
3(4.2%)

I find these additional attractive aspects also help:

Men, eh?

Eh?
23(32.9%)
Phwoar!
25(35.7%)
Fun for a weekend, but I wouldn't want to keep one forever.
22(31.4%)


EDIT: Please feel free to criticise my research methodology in the comments, otherwise I won't be able to claim this piece of work has been vetted by my peers.
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John Peel cross-stitch kit


JohnPeel
Originally uploaded by crunchcandy.
Belonging to the divine crunchcandy. Truly, needlecraft is the new rock'n'roll. Or something. Although I'm afraid I don't really have the patience for such things, never did really. I like colouring books, though.

47% like their man to look good on a sofa, lower than I expected. But I'm still worried that my sample is too small. Come on, I don't care if you've never even glanced in the direction of a gentleman with a speculative eye, fill in the cup of sperm poll!

Speaking of which, I'm having such a fascinating time finding out what you're all attracted to that I'm extremely tempted to run the same poll for women next.

Some of my favourites: Willingness to wear eyeliner, can find interesting things on television for me to watch, non-stop massage hands, compatible personality disorders, A deep and relentless knowledge of pre-1970s sci-fi movies.
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