May 17th, 2006

gin

move over, Jeremy Clarkson

The future of car commentary is Ling Valentine, owner of Ling's Cars, which I visited after seeing her spam message*, subject heading "I am Ling Chinese Human Female UK Car Expert". I liked how she'd specified that she was human (I am human not robot! is repeated often enough on her website to make one suspicious) so checked it out. I don't normally look at pictures in spam, but "This is my Chinese Nuclear Rocket Truck 6x6 7.0 V8, I park it next to A1(M) at Darlington" was kind of irresistible. What a good choice! I also get to see the chinese junk food she brings you ("There is no free lunch - YES THERE IS! I bring you free lunch. Nowhere else give you this offer!") and her head on top of dalek ("Who is Jeremy Clarkson? I exterminate! I test drive cars myself to give you idea of quality and speed. What else you need to know?") Her site has everything -- beautiful poetry from readers! Nuclear rocket truck stuck in mud movie! Free t-shirts! Favourite moment -- from her Rocket Truck Build diary, when she finds out she is actually adapting an old decontamination vehicle -- "Here is how I test radiation... 1) Breaking egg of chicken on truck mudguard. 2) Egg not cook so Alpha levels OK. 3) Chicken with 3 legs not grow so Gamma levels OK. 4) Truck OK, not hot despite nuclear decon use."

*And not sent to the usual address. I wonder, has she sent it to everyone in the UK called Jeremy?
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