In amongst the hideous fever dreams of the last few days I had this idea (during a conversation with timscience which involved many cries of "chop off their heads!") that the Royal Family would be a much less offensive concept if we were able to vote in our own dearly respected heroes as Royals for a year, after which the tiresome round of skiing holidays and visiting sick orphans would pass to next year's heroes of the people. It might galvanize the population into a renewed interest in voting, especially if we made a big thing about the selection process -- maybe some sort of television show, possibly hosted by Graham Norton and the (current) Prince of Wales. So go on! Vote in your own Royal Family. Feel free to make multiple suggestions and include reasons, if you want to.
Queen and/or King
Prince or Princess Consort
Prince/Princess Heir Apparent
Heir Apparent's Princess Bride/Groom
Much beloved Queen Mum/Dad
Somewhat dodgy Duchess/Duke with a mild booze problem
Scandalous Young Royal prone to doing embarassing things in Montecarlo
Enthusiastically charitable Duchess/Duke with a thing for pop stars
Young Royal hearthrob and media darling
Somewhat absurd royal pet
One final blast of offensiveness: this morning I received junk mail mail from a local Landrover dealership, including a 16pp non-recycled glossy booklet, containing such enthusiastic gems as "we'll make sure an accident isn't an inconvenience", discussion of the new "library quiet" Rangerover and pushing older models on the grounds that they're exempt from the congestion charge. Why did I receive this? My best guess is that it has something to do with having complained about SUVs to my local MP, as the booklet also contains a half page on Landrover's CO2 Offset Programme. To find out more about Climatecare and Landrover's attempts to make overconsumption more socially responsible (although not less damaging to the environment) head on over to http://www.landrover.co.uk/sustainability ...
P.S. I want concrete computer screens on the London Underground.