December 24th, 2010


Jeremy has unlocked the power of M&S Queue dodging

A successful day in the run up to Christmas feels like you levelled up; tokens collected, queue negotiated, cards delivered, packages received, yes! I am conqueror of Christmas!

This was not one of those days. I mean, I got through it, but I don't entirely remember how, and I collected way more stuff than I needed, and it all went really rather random, especially towards the end. I think that the only winner today may have been capitalism, and even that was showing a sad-face towards the end.

Sometime past eight I was on the phone to my Father discussing his ongoing efforts to take the bike trailer to the supermarket (he's a mile or two from any main roads) when timscience called from the depot where he was attempting a rescue of a recalcitrant package. It was on its way, he said. Ten minutes.

Sure enough, ten minutes later, an ancient, battered, tattered, white van nervously turned into the end of the road and began to inch its way along the rugged slush-over-glacier surface we're currently sporting. Recognising the unmistakable sign of the subcontractor, I leapt into my snowy garden in my gold Fugg Boots and waved them down. Two honest-to-god comedy Asian uncles rolled out of the cab and briefly checked I was prepared to take a parcel before disappearing around the far side of the van. For a while. Quite a while.

Eventually I became bored of the sound of muffled arguments, and slithered around to the door side of the van. In the dark, freezing interior, they were poking their way around a last dozen battered and soggy parcels to the faint light of the sort of LED torch you get given free off the front of magazines. I gave them an idea of the rough size (while narrating to my Father) and they finally found it, finally. It was a bit torn open and kicked around, but hey, it was there. Finally.

There was a comment box on the hand-held device they gave me to sign, but it wasn't big enough. I get the feeling I'm going to bust some character limits on feedback forms here.

Last time I did that it was to Yougov, after they asked me how I related emotionally to the current government.