?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

randomness, cold feet, bad dream, spam

Later this week I will have a story to tell. This morning, however, all I can offer is a funny joke, a disturbing dream, and a few fragments of pretty spam.

Feeling a bit whrrrrr? Don't worry, it happens to every man occasionally.

In the dream I was wandering about under an underpass where there were a lot of weird items I decided were probably art. It seemed like an odd place for a gallery, but there was lots of space and it was undeniably atmospheric in a concrete island sort of way so hmm, OK.

Looking around the weird stuff I found a crevice between two concrete blocks which someone had lined with a substance made to look like the green-brown-black matter that grows around dripping water, except in this case it had been fashioned into impassive faces (about human sized, but a little flatter). As I paid them attention, they opened their eyes and started muttering. Impressed by the quality of the puppetry, I leaned closer, trying to see if they were motion-activated.

As my hand strayed close to it (it looked slimy, so I wasn't planning on touching it) the eyes rolled towards me, and slender fingers grew out of the matter, formed a rudimentary hand and reached for my fingers. I jumped a bit, but then decided to see if it was responsive enough to grip my hand. The fingers were cold though dry, and felt rubbery and oddly loose, as if the skin were a layer outside the actual object.

The fingers wrapped around my hand, and seemed to become more realistic, and the thought that it might instead of a puppet be some performance artist with too much devotion to his craft made me wrench my hand loose, stumbling over backwards. Except I brought the hand with me, still clamped to my wrist, attached to a forearm which waved back and forth disconcertingly. I spun it, but the stump looked healed-over and blank and gave me no clue how to detach it from me or put it back where it belonged.

The faces were muttering louder, and the hand geting tighter around my arm, while I sat there on the cold damp concrete wondering what to do. (At which point, to my relief, I woke up.)

This spamster is writing lyrics for a song:

(Be a sin)If I can't help falling in love with you
To the sea (Oooh)So it goesSome things are meant to be
donatas brahmsite banjoman GZ04 feaf damianist
Like a bottle of popA bottle of 7-UpYou better let it

This one just made me laugh:

ADV: Improove your semen shot up to 500%!!!

Hello,
Allow me to present the latest discover
in pleasure devices for men's!!

The sex toy is a portable, concealable,
sturdy MALE masturbation device that our customers describe as
"Awesome", "Amazing", and "Ingenious".

Cleverly disguised as an ordinary flashlight,
it's easy to store and transport without drawing attention.
Available in a variety of styles –
Mouth, Anus, Vagina and Non-Descript –
and offering a variety of special sensations –
Original, Super Tight, Super Ribbed, and Wonder Wave–
presents our clients with a multitude of erotic experiences,
fantasies and sensations to elevate orgasms
to a new peak of intense sexual pleasure.

Confidentiality assured!

This is a one time offer. NO other emails you'll receive from us!

arragon horizontal decorticate demagnify elves welt weston mesoderm
dyadic altair chuckle locksmith massacre ago bonfire proportion liquor

Comments

( 10 worms — Feed the birds )
mckenzee
22nd Feb, 2005 04:12 (UTC)
Hey, thanks for the linkage...

I've been enjoying your LJ, btw.
cleanskies
22nd Feb, 2005 10:30 (UTC)
I really, really liked this one --- and it seemed to fit nicely with the theme of the post ...

I like reading yours, also.
benchilada
22nd Feb, 2005 21:47 (UTC)
My friend Scott and I have been getting a lot of e-mals with that subject heading, and they has set us to wondering...tell us again why we want to increase our ejaculate by 500%?

(Bukakke "actors" need not reply)
cleanskies
23rd Feb, 2005 13:35 (UTC)
I'd been assuming
that was one of those things men just knew and women could only guess at ...
benchilada
23rd Feb, 2005 14:09 (UTC)
Re: I'd been assuming
You're not the first who said that...
Although the most common response was, "If my husband/boyfriend/boi-toi did that, I'd fucking kill him"

As a boi who has been with bois, I can see how on a rare occasion that might be...for lack of a better term, "fun,"...but no, not what you're looking for in "everyday adventures."
cleanskies
23rd Feb, 2005 16:18 (UTC)
I'm sure you could think
of a better term than "fun" if you tried.

Shocking. Inconvenient. Circus-worthy. Good gravy, I could paper the hallway with that.

That sort of thing.
benchilada
23rd Feb, 2005 16:30 (UTC)
Re: I'm sure you could think
"Good gravy..."

Ironic choice of words, mmmm?

;p
cleanskies
23rd Feb, 2005 16:31 (UTC)
no, I just say that
when I'm surprised. English, you know.
benchilada
23rd Feb, 2005 16:39 (UTC)
Re: no, I just say that
Oh, it's not all to do with being English. I mean, sure, that helps. :D

After all, I have a number of "quaint" expressions that turn heads amongst most people my age, ninety percent of which came from my mother.

"Oh my stars and garters"
"Good gravy"
"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle"
"Who put the nickel in you?"
et cetera

I just thought that the combo of 500% more ejaculate and "Good Gravy" was funny. 'cause I'm a prevert. Or sumpin'
cleanskies
23rd Feb, 2005 17:01 (UTC)
colour's all wrong
shoulda been breadsauce.
( 10 worms — Feed the birds )