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the workmate update

Today she's spending her time re-familiarising herself with Powerpoint. Translation: listening to the radio and asking me how to do stuff in Powerpoint, inbetween slagging off the online help and telling me repeatedly how good her notes from college are. Not good enough, I'd say, or I'd not be hearing so many calls for help. I don't seem to be able to figure out how to quieten her. Clearly, "I don't use Powerpoint" won't cut it. "I really wouldn't know" and "I'm sorry, I just need to do this" are similarly useless. Leaving the room does work, but does have the nasty side effect of taking me away from my computer. "I use HTML for my presentations" doesn't even interrupt the flow. But it does get her talking about WindowsXP for a while. Oooh goodee. Tomorrow she's going to bring me in her Powerpoint manual to show me. My chest hurts.

[later]

Now she wants me to tell her how to manage transitions between slides in Powerpoint. Where has the TNL website gone? Maybe they went out of business since the seminar on Fri? No, there they are. I give five or six suggestions about how to find slide transitions (eg. I suggest it might be in the slide show menu, which hadn't occurred to her) while trying (with varying success) to track down web addresses off the literature from the Making the Web Work seminar. Fail completely to find inn-ovationpartners, despite respelling with the hyphen in different places and with minute spelling variations about ten times. Eventually decide that "newly-created" must be code for "not-quite created". Thankfully there's also a list of a young person's favourite web sites on the leaflet, so I try some of them even though they're so generic I suspect a hypothetical rather than actual young person (games, hotmail, mp3s) so I get to spend a little while tumble-drying cats and eviscerating bunny rabbits on killfrog.com in an attempt to get in touch with what young people like nowadays.

[later]

She likes celebrities. She talks earnestly about how clever they are, how serious, and whether or not they are "in touch with the real world" (whatever that's supposed to mean -- I've been stuck in a variety of worlds and none have convinced so far). She asks me earnestly which Spice Girl I think is the most successful (she can't stand Geri, thinks Mel B. hasn't done much, and thinks Mel C. is really talented). This afternoon has already featured conversations about Prince William, Britney Spears, Louis Theroux and Ali G. She's brought in her copy of National Enquirer. Caution, this is an irony-free zone. She's onto Charles and Camilla, now and how the Queen is so much more in touch with reality now (that word, again), and is starting to accept their relationship. She confides in me that the only one she ever liked was Princess Anne. I try and think of what Princess Anne looks like, but all I can think of is her Spitting Image puppet. No, I'm thinking about the Spitting Image puppet of the Queen.

[later]

I also know all about her family, home, childhood, course, children, children's friends, children's school and probably a great many other topics, but I reckon that to be personal, so I shan't share. I'm tired now, but the radio's off and she's gone, leaving only her shoes behind.

If only I were in a migrainous phase. I'd be out of here.

Comments

(Anonymous)
6th Mar, 2002 05:41 (UTC)
Celebrities
If she likes celebrities, she's bound to love popbitch (http://www.popbitch.com/).

- Adrian