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simple solstice celebration for one

found in nature
Originally uploaded by Jeremy Dennis.
You will need:
  • A patch of ground you care about.
  • A glass of your favourite beverage*.
  • Sunset***.
Take sip from glass. Raise glass to setting sun. Say "cheers**". Pour splash of beverage onto ground. Drain glass. Repeat as required.

*If your favourite beverage is coke, don't pour it on anything living. Try tarmac instead.

**You may wish to substitute your own words, e.g. "It's too damn hot can't we please have some rain," or "My boss is an idiot please plague him with boils".

***Sunrise, midday or 3pm are also a good time for a drink appropriate for worship.

NOTE: If you forget to perform this ritual until you get home from the pub at night it's important to create your own sun by setting fire to something.

Gentlemen may also pee on the compost heap, but please, not when anyone else is watching.


21st Jun, 2005 14:58 (UTC)
Why only gentlemen?
21st Jun, 2005 15:03 (UTC)
in my observation
peeing randomly in the corner of the garden is more of a guy thing ...

There is a whole heap of "folk wisdom" about accelerating compost, and how it's supposed to be only MANLY piss that can do the job but I don't rate that -- more likely it sprung up as something you say to stop drunk guests peeing on the roses.

I'm not sure I'd fancy peeing on my compost heap, I might fall in. Ugh.
21st Jun, 2005 15:09 (UTC)
Re: in my observation
It's true, the thing about peeing on compost. At the centre for alternative technology they had a whole display about it, and it said that both men's and women's wee is good for the job, it's just that men might find it easier to deliver the pee in the right place.
21st Jun, 2005 15:12 (UTC)
now I come to think of it
... one of my friends was trying it out. I wonder how it worked out for him (odd how that sort of thing doesn't come up much in conversation).
21st Jun, 2005 15:21 (UTC)
Re: now I come to think of it
a bit of a problem at our place as we have one of those swinging barrel compost heaps. I'm nowhere near enough of an acrobat to try and pee in that!
21st Jun, 2005 15:36 (UTC)
might be a bit
of a tricky injury to explain ...
21st Jun, 2005 18:02 (UTC)
Re: might be a bit
Yes, but it will be funny if anyone videos it ...
21st Jun, 2005 16:23 (UTC)
Re: in my observation
I think the old Celtic women used to complete over who could piss the biggest hole in the snow. It was a big status thing.

I had a boyfriend who was into pissing on trees (I always thought that killed them-) He said it made him feel close to nature. (Even for a boyfriend of mine, he was an odd 'un...)
21st Jun, 2005 16:34 (UTC)
isn't hugging more traditional?
I once slung someone out of a party for pissing on my roses. It may be good for compost, but ammonia burns plants.
21st Jun, 2005 16:35 (UTC)
Re: in my observation
If we go on holiday with our dog, she's not so happy about using an unfamiliar pissing spot, so often won't go for a couple of days. When she does, it's pretty impressive.
21st Jun, 2005 16:46 (UTC)
is that
This dog, am I right? ... I have been looking at photos!
21st Jun, 2005 17:04 (UTC)
Re: is that
Indeed, that's her sporting her plastic head look, which she is very glad to be shot of. K's photos are teriffic. When you get a baby these days, they come with a digital camera and a photo site.
21st Jun, 2005 23:45 (UTC)
wouldn't be fair otherwise
--- and they are fab photos! (I especially liked that one.)