It came to me on Valentine's Day; I really should upgrade. Not just my crappy mobile, but everything, from my attitude towards children to the robustness of my physical memory. What am I doing, 30, and still unable to figure out how to own a car/buy a house/fall in love/swim for pleasure, and not just to avoid drowning. What am I doing cycling too hard/socialising with 19 year olds/eating whole packets of cheesy puffs? What am I doing still looking through lit windows at night?

Sigh. My text message memory is full now, and tonight I'm clearing it. Here it is, everything worth saving Valentine's 2001-2002 (names of senders deleted).

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I should have said: it's cool knowing you. ?

GOT OCTOPUS & OLIVES ... C U TONGHT

Oxfam paying for spanish. Cheque in bin! Have great hols.

It's sunday not tomorrow. I'll be in brighton tomorrow.

Can i bring john?

Hi i am engaged! I have a diamond but no ring yet. Looking at designs sat. Wish i could call but must look after voice. Celebrations can wait xxx

Does Damien like chocolate? I am xmas shopping!

J. Tuxedo mask would chuck you a rose
you'll have to make do with this I suppose. ?

There were a few more (I was maxed out at 12), but even compared to these they were dull.

Who knew? of the day: See Spot Run is a PG. Making it about as scary as Lord of the Rings, then.