A "chairlicker" is:
Someone who can't keep their tongue off the furniture.
Someone with an unnatural interest in minuteing meetings.
Someone with a large collection of IKEA catalogues.
Something far more disgusting than that (details below).
Cats just do that, Jeremy, it's not weird.
The true definition of "chairlicker" is:
The colour I should dye my hair is:
Black! Black as your soul!
Green! Green like that frog you found in the garden!
Red! Red like a ladybird! (spots optional)
Cloudy blue with murky grey bits, like the sky.
Just leave it its natural colour, I'm curious what that is.
Your complicated and impractical idea for dying my hair:
P.S. I sorted out that rough area in the garden. I found a frog, non-fatally! Yay. Look, a patch of bareish earth and a wrought-iron dragonfly.