I've had this thing in my scratch pad for a few days now. It's making me feel dirty. I must purge it! It's The Secret Diary of Russell T Davies, and I have NO IDEA who it's by (it came to me via the medium of cut-and-paste-and-pass-along) although there's something familiar about the style ... if only I could put my finger on it ...
Extracts from the Secret Diary of Russell T Davies
Have been given Doctor Who. MWAHAHAHAA. Told Gatiss. He cried. V. funny. Wish had taken photos.
Got Eccleston. HOORAY! Pros: can act, is cred, I would. Cons: may not understand what he is getting into. Nothing can possibly go wrong.
Wrote an episode. IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. Skipped script-editing stage and just handed it to the cast. They looked at me oddly. Perhaps they were stunned by how good it is.
BOLLOCKS. Eccleston v. determined to leave. Did not see that one coming. Have to hastily rewrite everything. And find new Doctor. Who else have I worked with?
David Tennant offered me his body if I let him be the new Doctor. I agreed. Made him call me 'Rose' as we made sweet love. It was wonderful.
Hate the BBC x10000000000.
Swanned around Cardiff in new clothes. People stared and a small child claimed I was naked. How odd.
David refused to do the accent as we made sweet love. I reminded him that his character can REGENERATE. Think he is getting hubris. Hate people like that.
HE LEFT ME, MUM!
Swore at Julie in meeting. She cried. Was v. funny.
Pwnd Coronation Street on Xmas Day. Nothing can possibly go wrong.
Still no clue how to end second series. Fuck it. Cliffhanger? Rose opens TARDIS again? Doctor regenerates? Everyone dies? ALL OF THE ABOVE! HOORAY!
Won BAFTA. Am offically God now. Will write third series will high on this. Nothing can possibly go wrong.
Have no idea what to do with Doctor and Rose anymore. Should be okay, as no one noticed similar problem in series two. May regenerate Rose into Time Lord called Russellia?
Finally, is "woman-shy lip-rounding poke bonnet" not the most fruity insult you've ever heard? That's from spambot dotcommahyphen's latest opus
Fun, salt kettle
bona roba sex hygiene receiving tube blood covenant teen-ager
case count heel cutter
grass-clad otter shrew vervain thoroughwort brick-testing sinew-backed so-wise
Pre-homeric death-winged index crank full-orbed bag-cutting
woman-shy lip-rounding poke bonnet
tree-living apron-squire tidewater cypress
fire window lace pigeon hard-gained seven-thirty bale stitcher
shaving case fairy-born