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the weather breaks! it's raining! yeah!

This morning, I discovered that listening to that new Tiga single while walking into work really does have the effect of making you want to dance like you're in a musical. Seriously, I had to restrain myself from jumping onto cars. Which would not have been popular. Then, crossing the road, I passed a man squinting at the sun and grinning, with a toilet seat tucked under his arm. So it's not all bad.

I've had this thing in my scratch pad for a few days now. It's making me feel dirty. I must purge it! It's The Secret Diary of Russell T Davies, and I have NO IDEA who it's by (it came to me via the medium of cut-and-paste-and-pass-along) although there's something familiar about the style ... if only I could put my finger on it ...

Extracts from the Secret Diary of Russell T Davies
(Anonymous)

September, 2003
Have been given Doctor Who. MWAHAHAHAA. Told Gatiss. He cried. V. funny. Wish had taken photos.

March 2004
Got Eccleston. HOORAY! Pros: can act, is cred, I would. Cons: may not understand what he is getting into. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

August 2004
Wrote an episode. IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. Skipped script-editing stage and just handed it to the cast. They looked at me oddly. Perhaps they were stunned by how good it is.

December 2004
BOLLOCKS. Eccleston v. determined to leave. Did not see that one coming. Have to hastily rewrite everything. And find new Doctor. Who else have I worked with?

January 2005
David Tennant offered me his body if I let him be the new Doctor. I agreed. Made him call me 'Rose' as we made sweet love. It was wonderful.

March 2005
Hate the BBC x10000000000.

April 2005
Swanned around Cardiff in new clothes. People stared and a small child claimed I was naked. How odd.

August 2005
David refused to do the accent as we made sweet love. I reminded him that his character can REGENERATE. Think he is getting hubris. Hate people like that.

September 2005
HE LEFT ME, MUM!

October 2005
Swore at Julie in meeting. She cried. Was v. funny.

December 2005
Pwnd Coronation Street on Xmas Day. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

February 2006
Still no clue how to end second series. Fuck it. Cliffhanger? Rose opens TARDIS again? Doctor regenerates? Everyone dies? ALL OF THE ABOVE! HOORAY!

May 2006
Won BAFTA. Am offically God now. Will write third series will high on this. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

June 2006
Have no idea what to do with Doctor and Rose anymore. Should be okay, as no one noticed similar problem in series two. May regenerate Rose into Time Lord called Russellia?

Finally, is "woman-shy lip-rounding poke bonnet" not the most fruity insult you've ever heard? That's from spambot dotcommahyphen's latest opus

Fun, salt kettle

bona roba sex hygiene receiving tube blood covenant teen-ager
case count heel cutter
grass-clad otter shrew vervain thoroughwort brick-testing sinew-backed so-wise
Pre-homeric death-winged index crank full-orbed bag-cutting
woman-shy lip-rounding poke bonnet
tree-living apron-squire tidewater cypress
fire window lace pigeon hard-gained seven-thirty bale stitcher
shaving case fairy-born

Comments

( 4 worms — Feed the birds )
benchilada
13th Jun, 2006 18:10 (UTC)
Vaguely related, loved the hell out of last weekend's episode.

It's always nice to see the Doctor confounded by things, and I love how they've made him almost a groupie for the human race.
surliminal
13th Jun, 2006 18:34 (UTC)
Loved it - sounds to me like someone who's read Bridget Jones and teh LOTR fan version thereof ("stil the prettiest") too often!
uitlander
13th Jun, 2006 19:09 (UTC)
Hurrah. Excellent summary.
phlebas
14th Jun, 2006 13:08 (UTC)
Finally, is "woman-shy lip-rounding poke bonnet" not the most fruity insult you've ever heard?
You forgot 'smug Welsh'.
Oh, wait. That wasn't part of the diary.
( 4 worms — Feed the birds )