Mum wants me to visit her this autumn, but she's just so damned remote these days (her village -- if about ten houses and a sheep farm count as a village -- is called Ford, and near -- in a loose sense of the word near -- Oban and Loch Awe in Scotland). However, a small brainwave may have shrunk my travel costs by somewhere in the region of £80-130. The downside? I have to be in London for 8.15am. And spend all day in a Megabus, obviously.

Look! No more cat hair misery with this robot hoover especially for your pets. And, while we're on the small furry ones, mice seem to be much on people's minds today, so I will share this internet message board pearl of wisdom regarding the capture and disposal of the dreaded meeces: Get a dachshund, they are born to hunt.

I leave you with this story of a killer rhea stalking Kent's golf courses. Look out, it's going for your eyes!!! Here's an idea for the next British Action Blockbuster: Rheas on a Megabus.

I'd love to see Ewan McGregor trying to save that.