Well avast and jib ye mainsail topling mizzenmast ye landlubberly jigger-bunts.

As it so 'appens, I 'ave been of late researching ye notorious pyrate captain Blackbearde on ye interwebbe in order to support me view (largely based on ye David Cordingley's Life Among the Pirates) that a certayne National Geographic docudrama mayn 'av beyen ah, not altogether strayt with its audience. Imagine me surprise when I discover this small tyme thugge is a grande hero to some of those amongge the Americas! Quibbling aside, however, I can recommend some excellently pyratical diversions for this fyne afternoon, for those among ye as are landlocked or otherwise unable to set to sea as ye should:

• Ye top ten cruellest acts of ye dread pyrates. Vote for the most despicable!
• Ye localle historians speak much entertaining ramble about piratical life, in particular of Edw. Teach, also known as Blackbeard. Visit "Bath" to discvr how grately said villain fancied ye ladies!
• Decorayte yr own shippe with amusingge cartoon sweets. Also, a pirate Lingo Quiz! On which I scored 100%, of course.

And, to show that I also care about what lyes beneath the briny sea, I have tracked down who got the photos of all those new indonesian fish (as the BBC seems only to have the admittedly rather cute walking shark): click on gallery: meet the new species

One laste laffe: As Mr Wendel's "performance art" did not harm any of the ancient relics, he was not arrested or charged but given "serious criticism", reports said.