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pick your own royal family

I've just been reading the news, getting angrier and angrier. Thanks heavens for Captain Jack and Jazz, the miracle marmosets. (Caution -- even that heartwarming tale is not 100% sob free.)

In amongst the hideous fever dreams of the last few days I had this idea (during a conversation with timscience which involved many cries of "chop off their heads!") that the Royal Family would be a much less offensive concept if we were able to vote in our own dearly respected heroes as Royals for a year, after which the tiresome round of skiing holidays and visiting sick orphans would pass to next year's heroes of the people. It might galvanize the population into a renewed interest in voting, especially if we made a big thing about the selection process -- maybe some sort of television show, possibly hosted by Graham Norton and the (current) Prince of Wales. So go on! Vote in your own Royal Family. Feel free to make multiple suggestions and include reasons, if you want to.

Poll #864559 my own private royal family

Queen and/or King

Prince or Princess Consort

Prince/Princess Heir Apparent

Heir Apparent's Princess Bride/Groom

Much beloved Queen Mum/Dad

Somewhat dodgy Duchess/Duke with a mild booze problem

Scandalous Young Royal prone to doing embarassing things in Montecarlo

Enthusiastically charitable Duchess/Duke with a thing for pop stars

Young Royal hearthrob and media darling

Somewhat absurd royal pet

One final blast of offensiveness: this morning I received junk mail mail from a local Landrover dealership, including a 16pp non-recycled glossy booklet, containing such enthusiastic gems as "we'll make sure an accident isn't an inconvenience", discussion of the new "library quiet" Rangerover and pushing older models on the grounds that they're exempt from the congestion charge. Why did I receive this? My best guess is that it has something to do with having complained about SUVs to my local MP, as the booklet also contains a half page on Landrover's CO2 Offset Programme. To find out more about Climatecare and Landrover's attempts to make overconsumption more socially responsible (although not less damaging to the environment) head on over to http://www.landrover.co.uk/sustainability ...

P.S. I want concrete computer screens on the London Underground.


( 13 worms — Feed the birds )
10th Nov, 2006 13:00 (UTC)
I need to read the news to try to work out what is angering you...

I don't have any opinions about the Royals.

Post the brochure back to Landrover, without a stamp.
10th Nov, 2006 13:12 (UTC)
Oh, it's just normal, depressing stuff. I doubt it'll stand out. Good call on the brochure, I shall do that.
10th Nov, 2006 13:24 (UTC)
I may have just had a dream about Kind Hearts & Coronets, sorry.
10th Nov, 2006 13:28 (UTC)
I do think Bill Oddie would be a perfect cheery nursery rhyme king, calling for his pipe and his bowl and his fiddlers three or whatever. It makes me happy just thinking about him sitting on an oversized throne with an oversized crown on.
10th Nov, 2006 14:51 (UTC)
Did you see him on Buzzcocks yesterday? I feared for everyone's sanity.
10th Nov, 2006 14:56 (UTC)
No, I didn't. I must work out when things are on television. I go through phases of leaving it off or (at present) defaulting to the history channel, because I've no idea what's going on.
10th Nov, 2006 14:39 (UTC)
4x4s - not only damaging the environment but if they do crash into a smaller car driven by someone trying to do their part the 4x4 drivers will be the ones to survive. Also carbon trading - it is not even supposed to stop emissions it is just supposed to make rich polluting first world companies to give small third world countries some money. In practise it just lets clever rich polluting companies that manipulate the system charge less clever ones without affecting emissions at all.
Sorry about the rant.
10th Nov, 2006 14:51 (UTC)
no apology needed
-- I did a similar one earlier when I first opened the envelope ...
10th Nov, 2006 14:57 (UTC)
Right on. Also, that landrover page is one of the worst pieces of noncommital marketing drivel I have ever read. No figures, no targets, but...

We are currently developing a 10-year vision to guide our sustainable development route map for the future and to ensure that we satisfy our stakeholders´ requirements>.

Stakeholders want a return on their cash, period. They might well have zero requirements for sustainability.

Oh, I loved this bit too:

An essential element to the success of our policies and strategies is ensuring their integration into our decision-making process.

No shit, Sherlock. Bet he earned his 200k bonus.
10th Nov, 2006 15:55 (UTC)
Interesting that several people have been nominated across a range of categories. Clearly in some sense they already are part of some sort of notional Royal Fmaily, we're just not quite sure which part.
10th Nov, 2006 16:35 (UTC)
Cool concrete screen! But how will it look after it's been graffiti'd and paper-advert'd over? ;-)

Also, clearly Landrover wants to preserve those green things to enjoy CRUSHING THEM UNDER ITS RUBBER WHEELS OF DOOM! ;-)
10th Nov, 2006 18:57 (UTC)
The road towards sustainability is challenging and we recognise that this will require changes within our business and the automotive sector.

The end of cars as we known them and Landrover going into liquidation.

If only. *sigh*
10th Nov, 2006 18:58 (UTC)
Also - am slightlyh perturbed by similarity between some of my answers and darkpigeon
( 13 worms — Feed the birds )