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god, that was weak

Just watched Torchword. Pile of steaming shit. Would like the last hour of my life back, please.

Will now watch bouncing birds of paradise recorded from earlier until I've stopped yelling, "and another thing!"


( 25 worms — Feed the birds )
20th Nov, 2006 00:13 (UTC)
It's childish, camp and badly acted, and has no internal or external logic but I still quite like it..
20th Nov, 2006 09:35 (UTC)
Yes, childish and rapey. A gleeful combination.
20th Nov, 2006 01:11 (UTC)
Captain Jack had an acting failure instance which was of the Graham Crowden "onscreen outtake" level last seen in Cyberwoman, and the story didn't ever grab me enough to stop me from typing something up, but it was harmless enough. Given the nature of the story, it all boiling down to various skin-tubes wandering randomly between locations in different combinations seemed appropriate.
20th Nov, 2006 09:02 (UTC)
While I'm aware they're trying hamfistedly to make some sort of "he's immortal so he doesn't understand" point, I'm getting very sick of watching him doing the macho yell while someone else is dying. Also -- I get the impression that the actor may be wondering what he's signed up for, as Captain Jack of Torchwood (in stark contrast to the guy in Dr Who) doesn't get the girl, doesn't save the day and doesn't have any fun. Charm anmd playfulness is what the actor was originally picked for and where his strengths lie, but the series is so grim the sudden blasts of Jack's charm just look painfully inappropriate.
20th Nov, 2006 02:00 (UTC)
glad i'm not the only one it left feeling pissed off and disgruntled !
20th Nov, 2006 07:28 (UTC)
I'm not sure I agree...

Its a TV response (actually the only one I'm aware of) to Texas Chainsaw Massacre and its ilk, and is also saying that, despite all the unpleasant aliens out there, its man's inhumanity to man that is the worst of all.

And now Wales has something to go with Scotland's Dog Soldiers.
20th Nov, 2006 09:12 (UTC)
I've seen the same point addressed plenty of times and always better -- there's even an entire crime/supernatural series dedicated to serial killers -- but crime dramas usually do the serial killer/s at soem point.

The problem was not that I didn't get it (or the multiple film references) but that it simply didn't hang together.

The overwhelming impression I got was that was an alien menace (possibly something involving a GLB persuading dumb rurals to cannibalise their own children in return for immortality) had been in the story but that it had been snipped for being too gory. At which point, the directors had said, "right", and proceeded to put extra gore in every crevice that had been intended to hold a plot point.
20th Nov, 2006 07:36 (UTC)
If they can't even deal with the cast of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, how are they suppoed to deal with a competent alien invasion?

The only reason I'm watching it is that there's sod-all else on the Tivo, and by Sunday evening we're fed up with doing stuff with the house.
20th Nov, 2006 09:16 (UTC)
It's not exactly switch off and enjoy the ride television any more though, is it? It's all gone a bit Lost on the character development, and everything seems to be about screaming and weeping.

As far as Torchwood goes, they're so imcompetent and incapable it's actually turned into another annoying thing about the series.
20th Nov, 2006 08:08 (UTC)
I actually rather liked it. Particularly the idea that they failed to deal effectively with the problem because they were looking for alien threats too hard to see what was really going on - and the fact that the threat was human in nature was hinted at by the fact that the "body" in the pre-credits sequence had a head made of a football - not the sort of thing aliens or beasties would use.

Yes it's camp, and some of the acting is poor, but it's fun. Rather watch that than most of the other stuff on TV.
20th Nov, 2006 09:28 (UTC)
I wouldn't exactly call it hints. More like a flashing sign coming up saying, "LOOK! THIS IS THE EPISODE WHERE WE DISCOVER THAT THE WORST MONSTERS OF ALL ARE HUMANS JUST LIKE US!" And I wouldn't exactly call running around like headless chickens, following no discerable procedure, and repeatly walking into sharp pointy things "looking for alien threats too hard to see what was going on". In fact, one of the few darkly amusing moments of the episode was when Gwen started trying to do some investigative work, and Jack gave her a withering look and Owen told her to get some rest. It was a real, "look love, haven't you noticed what genre we're in?" moment.
20th Nov, 2006 09:07 (UTC)
Hooray, glad I chose this week to give up on Torchwood. It's as if it was written by a bunch of 14 year olds trying for their first asbo. It's so lame! It could have been brilliant!

Have you seen Shark Attack 3: Megalodon? Surely Barrowman's finest performance.
20th Nov, 2006 09:21 (UTC)
Yeah, good call. Next week they're doing a lesbian alien spy from space with tentacles! oooh, it's gonna be grim

Actually, no I haven't. And given that I'm not actually getting any monsters at all from watching a series that's nominally about aliens, maybe some monster movies would be a good idea!
20th Nov, 2006 18:11 (UTC)
Hentai? cor
20th Nov, 2006 09:24 (UTC)

It was awful, dreadful, shite!

1) Plot hook stolen from Briss the butcher in The League of Gentlemen.

2) Mills and Boon romance... women dig aggressive men assaulting them and telling them how incredibly irresistible they are. (This is the point I wanted to smash things.)

3) Extra marital sex with git... at which point what scant sympathy you had for the characters completely dissipates. Next time they're put in a situation where they could die horribly, you'll be ever so disappointed when they don't.

Nnnngh nnnnnnngh!

Still, chin up, Evil Lesbians next week.

20th Nov, 2006 09:32 (UTC)
Yeah, actually I'm getting to the point where I'm yelling "kill him, kill him" every time Owen's in danger. (And Gwen, but I digress.)

I'm beginning to think that someone in change must really fancy the actor, because the idea that one woman is hopelessly in love with him and the other is willing to toss over her long term for him is wildly nyarrrrghr, particularly with Captain Jack there, willing, charming and slightly rabid.
20th Nov, 2006 09:42 (UTC)
Also, the League of Gentleman references really made me a bit sick. Serial Killer funnies! That's nice.
20th Nov, 2006 10:07 (UTC)
Nauseating indeed, and cheap!

Oh look. It's Tubbs with a shotgun!

Oh look. Main evil main character bearing an uncanny resemblance to Briss.

Crap all round.
20th Nov, 2006 09:27 (UTC)
To be honest I couldn't be arsed to find something with freeview after watching QI & Buzzcocks (and the old black and white upstairs) - sounds like I didn't miss much.

Barrowman will be for me the not-very good Sat morning kid's telly presenter - Saturday Show/Live & Kicking. All a bit aloof and an over developed sense of his own importance.
20th Nov, 2006 09:37 (UTC)
Oh, he's a fine matinee idol type, got a good line in sqaure-jawed charm -- but they're shovelling him into the Angel role and he's certainly no tall grim goth brooding straight man.
20th Nov, 2006 09:39 (UTC)
straight man


OK, wasn't that funny.

I took it as a compliment at work when one of the vision mixers said he'd also thought my sexuality was 'enigmatic'. Academic, more like.
20th Nov, 2006 10:41 (UTC)
Having watched just a dozen first episodes of new Dr Who (in Finnish television), if Torchwood ups the camp aspect, I am not sure if I am looking forward to it...
20th Nov, 2006 11:01 (UTC)
A very weak episode. Posted here then I read your comments which say it all anyway.........
20th Nov, 2006 12:25 (UTC)
The birds of paradise were excellent though...
20th Nov, 2006 15:33 (UTC)
the bouncing birds of paradise rocked...I felt sorry for the cameraman who had to sit through about 120 hours in the hide before he got the shot.
( 25 worms — Feed the birds )