Music:that fucking mwa mwa song won't get out of my head
mummy, she's showing me battenburg cakes!
She's back again, to witter and websurf. So far I've had her going on and on about; how cheaply you can buy viagra online; the sort of men who try to pick her daughter up at clubs; how she avoids being slipped date-rape drugs when she goes out; the comments rugby players make about their daughters when the mothers came to pick them up from their May Day ball; how nice battenburg cakes from the covered market are; how she's a drug user because she drinks coffee; the time her daughter tried to go out wearing hot pants; about her daughter getting hit on when she goes to clubs (repeatedly); how her children have never taken drugs and wouldn't ever take any drugs without telling her (repeatedly); herbal highs (I explain to her what they are) and availability in Oxford thereof; how all the sites she sees on Google are American; the dangers of St John's wort; why all the world is a risk and you shouldn't just sit in a cupboard; the permissive society of the 70s (her non-experience thereof); the horror of her uncle at a family member who ran off to a hippy commune and lived in a menage; how she uses reverse psychology on her kids; how alcohol is a much more severe problem; her attempts to find a company which illegally sells drugs worldwide by typing their name into Google; the best way to lose weight; how every time she asks Jeeves a question it's too complicated for him...
Noon. She hasn't shut up yet.
Looking back over that, I repeated myself. But then, so did she.