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learning lessons from the stars

I went for the first of many work christmasses last week -- to a house containing an excitable child and a DVD of Mamma Mia, with the unsurprising result that I've joined the 99.9% of the population who've seen this unholy comedy-musical spectacular.

It also (bonus) contained many useful lessons for people planning a wedding. Move over, Muriel's Wedding, Four Weddings, The Wedding Banquet, and all its ilk. You have been superceded.

Look at all these marvellous tips I picked up!

  1. Don't worry about expensive Bridesmaid's dresses -- just dress up a few old nighties with some wildflowers!
  2. Getting your mum to cook the entire wedding breakfast is not just reasonable, she'll be unhappy if you don't!
  3. Don't bother telling anyone what you want them to do at the ceremony, just cry and say contradictory things! it'll add to the sense of adventure.
  4. If the driver fails to turn up, a donkey is an acceptable substitute. Bonus - it will produce convincing tears from the bride!
  5. Every wedding should feature a coming out scene. If no homosexual relatives are still in the closet, paying an uncle to get off with a waiter is an acceptable substitute. (Bride's mother should pay.)
  6. Hen's nights - if you're not sure what to do, karaoke with your mum in a drag club is always a good fall-back position.
  7. If you're planning on elaborate song-and-dance routines (or, indeed, a ceilidh) check with your venue that the floor is suitably reinforced.
  8. To keep the best man and groom's party fresh, make sure to invite at least one bored divorcee. (Groom's father to pay drinks bill.)
  9. At all costs, keep your father and his friends away from any old acoustic guitars.
  10. Pitch correction really can't fix everything.
I also watched Quantum of Solace, but it was less useful, apart from the the handy tips on entertainment, dealing with awkward relatives and fireworks.

Comments

( 12 worms — Feed the birds )
motodraconis
3rd Dec, 2008 23:32 (UTC)
Remind me to never watch Mamma Mia, I hope you have recovered from the horror. I recommend you watch Deathstalker II as an antidote.
cleanskies
4th Dec, 2008 08:56 (UTC)
Quantum of Shoelace wasn't bad as an antidote, though thanks for the suggestion of yet another martial arts comedy romance.

Speaking of which, do you think a massed ninja battle during the reception is a good idea?
zengineer
4th Dec, 2008 09:07 (UTC)
Massed Ninja battle - excellent idea.
Quantum of Solace also gives useful tips on wedding drinks - whiskey good, oil bad.
Will you be issuing a song list in advance so we can memorise the relevent (Abba) lyrics or are you relying on our word perfect memories of the genre?
cleanskies
4th Dec, 2008 09:40 (UTC)
abba schmabba
I suspect we'll be publishing the playlist after the wedding, rather than before (see notes above about pitch correction not being able to fix everything).

motodraconis
4th Dec, 2008 09:48 (UTC)
Swords! There should be swords - and capering!
rhubarbfool
4th Dec, 2008 14:33 (UTC)
At my friend's Zeke's wedding
Zeke went as a Samurai warrior (complete with sword) and everyone was encouraged to dress fancy, unfortunately one person took this to mean fancy dress and turned up as Cthulu.
cleanskies
4th Dec, 2008 15:18 (UTC)
The officiant?
(Deleted comment)
cleanskies
4th Dec, 2008 08:57 (UTC)
yeesh
I think you may have to strap to a chair and pin my eyelids open before I'd watch that one!
uitlander
4th Dec, 2008 06:29 (UTC)
So, your wedding plans are well advanced then?
cleanskies
4th Dec, 2008 08:58 (UTC)
Witness the power of my fully operational wedding plan.

(Uh, we might be fixing a date soon.)
crazycrone
4th Dec, 2008 09:24 (UTC)
Wonder if I can avoid ever seeing MAMMA MIA! I have actually managed never to watch THE SOUND OF MUSIC in its entirety, which I think bodes well...
cleanskies
4th Dec, 2008 09:34 (UTC)
Be strong! Resist!
( 12 worms — Feed the birds )