Jeremy Dennis is Jeremy Day (cleanskies) wrote,
Jeremy Dennis is Jeremy Day

kitten diaries continue (part 1)

I have, for reasons related to a certain person on my friendlist, two small clay models of anatomically incorrect [...]s. One is a slightly sordid red, and the other (virginal white) marks the point at which she (while reaching for her paints) realised that she'd put the [...] in the wrong [...] and would have to start all over again. For reasons that escape me, the red one is full of those tiny goggly glue-on eyes, while the white one contains a single plastic pearl.

Last night I became aware that my toes were resting against something in the bed. I fished it out and identified it, by touch, in the dark, as the white [...], and returned it to a higher shelf along with a mental note to check for other small ornaments accessible to tiny kittens. It was too late to ponder the unponderables, such as why a certain small kitten should have picked it up, played with it a bit, and then stowed it under the end of the duvet, or where the pearl had ended up (hopefully not inside her).

This morning (to my relief) Tim found the plastic pearl. Then I had to explain what had happened to him. His comment: the wrongness, it multiplies.

The campaign notes of Harlequin Day, Robot Hunter

Day 31: I have almost forgotten the sound of silence. One robot beeps, the other trundles. One makes cute noises (my job!). All of them disturb the peace of kittens. Therefore from this day hence I rename myself Harlequin Day, Destroyer of Robots! And I shall not rest until peace comes again to the sitting room. Oooh, patch of sun! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzz zzz zzz
Day 32: I have deputised rabbit skin mouse by removing him from door handle! March into battle rabbit skin mouse! Crush trundlebot! Crush her! OK, being crushed worked too. That's a sad tangle rabbit skin mouse, but some must suffer for the greater good, and the robot is stopped so that it great and good! I do victory dance! Go me!
Day 33: Toy 1, failure. Toy 2, failure. You have failed me, catnip mouse, mutant mouse, disturbing plastic mouse. Rabbit skin mouse has been prised from robot and imprisoned once again on door handle. Mice cannot help me now. The robots shall rise and all kitten peace shall be destroyed, and all peaceful patches of sun shall be trampled beneath their plastic wheels, until their two hours are utterly over. Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
Day 34: Trundlebot has disabled self. Apparently confused by doorframe. Fool Trundlebot! Fool!
Day 35: Great success! Blue ribbon disables trundlebot! It beeps pathetically, then falls silent! I am Harlequin Day, robot hunter! Hear me mewp!
Day 36: Trundlebot has been reliberated by human betrayers. Their perfidy runs deep. Tried to interest Grumpy Puss in campaign against robot. He only growled. Does he not see? When the robots have taken the floor they will come for the comfy sofas, and then the windowsills, and then the bed, and then the ... hmmm, daybed. I feel ... sleepy.
Day 37: Trundelbot has edged door prop away and closed door. It cannot get through! I am free! but sadly is pyrric victory. I can no longer get to food. Or litter tray! Mew! Mew! Mew!
Day 38: Trundlebot has disabled self. Apparently confused by tableleg. Am beginning to wonder if left alone robots would destroy themselves. Is struggle pointless? Is it? Is it? Grumpy Cat? He only growls.
Day 39: Human betrayers try again to make me a plaything of the robot. I will not ride on Trundlebot! Is not cute! Is a terrible imposition! Stop laughing Grumpy Puss. I pout! And fight robots! Endlessly!

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