Poor old Teazel cat. He got an upset stomach and went off his food and started hiding in boxes and refusing fuss, all the time limping around with an alarmingly seized up back leg, looking thin and frail and slipping on the stairs and oh we took him to the vet with a heavy heart. The vet pulled his leg around in the vaguely alarming way that vets do, pronounced him sound but NINETEEN for goodness sake and slipped him a dose of steroids.

Three days on and he's eating double portions, slinking up and down stairs, demanding treats, getting underfeet and slapping around cat 2, who was so delighted to see him back to his normal irascible self that she shot out the cat flap and up a tree. She'll be back for more wrassling later, for sure, and he will be ready to DISH IT OUT.

When I get old and frail, timscience, you know what to do, right?